Random Things

So...I've been a pastor's wife for just over 3 months.  And I am just not sure if I am doing it right!!  Ha!

I don't know if people have certain expectations of me...and if they do, I am sorry to say that I will probably disappoint them! I am a HUMAN BEING and will make many many mistakes.  Praise God that I don't have to live up to human expectations!

But...as a human this can be a hard thing to wrap my brain/heart around.

I love people.  I love when people love me.  I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not, but I do not want to NOT meet expectations. 

Sigh.

I feel like I have a very unique view of the lost and broken in our community because I did not grow up in this type of environment.  Sure, we went to church, but I never felt the love of God in any church I attended growing up.  I was taught to fear God, but it was really more of being afraid rather than reverance. 

I don't know these old hymns they sing on Wednesday night, but I am learning them!  I am clapping along and as I read the words and stumble on the melody, I am amazed at the beauty and simplicity of some of the lyrics.

I feel like I am constantly being judged by everyone because I am a pastor's wife.  From what I say, what I do, how I dress, the level of ministry involvement, parenting skills, etc.

This.is.overwhelming.  Perhaps it's just paranoia???

Again...Praise God that I don't have to worry about their judgements!  I only have to worry about God's judgement....sadly, this is tough to live up to as well!  Because I do need to make sure that what I say and what I do is glorifying God and I need to make sure I am dressing modestly (and appropriately for my age) and I do need to be involved in the ministry, but I am not going to go overboard and jump on every ministry as a leader if God is not seeking me to be a leader in these areas.  I also need to make sure I am disciplining AND discipling my children.

Whoa. 

More importantly....I WANT to do all these things!  I WANT to follow God's Word, I want to bear fruit!  I want to have a real relationship...an unshakable relationship, if you will, with God...and all of this makes me want to glorify God with every part of my life.  On the day of judgement, I want God to say that He knew me well...His good and faithful servant.

I want others to see that God loves them.  That God has a place for them!  That God has a plan for their lives and it is NOT TOO LATE!! 

I am quite sure that no one at my church has certain expectations of me or is judging me.  These are simply doubts filling my mind that come straight from the devil!

I love it here.  Everyone has been so wonderful, but I am having a hard time making friends.  And that....is difficult for me.  I've spent the last 3 years trying not to get too close to anyone in Missouri because I knew we'd be leaving, but I am ready to have some God girlfriends!!! 

But....I am the new girl.  Relationships here have been in place for years.  It's tough to disrupt that.  Not that I want to disrupt anything...I just need some girl time.  If you are a girl and are reading this...you probably know what I am talking about :)  Women definitely crave relationships.  For now, I am trying to get closer to God.  I know He will lead me to the right group of gals. 

Oh my...it's been over 3 years since I posted on my blog!!

I guess I thought that since I am no longer an "afwife" I should no longer use this....but perhaps I will just  change the URL of my blog and keep the content.  :)  There's a lot of history here!

The past 3+ years in a nutshell:

- While in Springfield, we had the unbelievable opportunity to get plugged in at James River Assembly.  LOVE this church and all the people there.  We were so blessed to be a part of everything going on there.  Wow.  Just wow.
- In October 2010 (just a few days after we got back from our mission trip to India) I found out I was pregnant with baby #3.  If you know me personally, this is no surprise...just recapping for those who haven't had a chance to catch up with me in a while ;)
- Claire Suzanne Filipek was born on May 24, 2011.  She weighed a whopping 10lbs and was 24 inches long.  Yes, I gave birth to a toddler!  Ha!  Claire was in the NICU for 4-5 days due to an extremely high respiratory rate and very low blood sugar.  The staff at Cox South was amazing and we were able to bring her home on Brian's birthday :)
- While I was pregnant, I became heavily involved at JRA by joining the choir at West campus and helping with the elementary kids.  Loved every minute of it!!!!  Brian soon joined me with the elementary kids and pretty soon he was hooked!
- As soon as I was able to put Claire in the nursery at church I was back at volunteering with the elementary kids and auditioned to be a worship leader...I was selected to lead worship and through a series of trials, started leading in the kid's area and didn't look back!
- Brian went to kids camp as a counselor - this was Katie's first time at camp and I will never forget how wonderful Mandi was with her (thank you Mandi!!!!) - and he came back with a major sunburn and a mohawk.  Ha!  He also came back knowing he was called to children's ministry!
- I began running when Claire was about 6  weeks old and lost about a total of 70 lbs!!!!!  WOO HOO!
- Kasey FINALLY began school and just loved riding the bus to Kindergarten and 1st grade.  He started 2nd grade last week.  My oh my....these kids are getting too big too fast!!  We just loved the faculty and staff at Willard Central and will never forget our friends there!
- Katie started 4th grade last week.  YES, 4th GRADE!!!!   Sigh...
- Brian successfully completed his Masters degree in May of this year and I couldn't be more proud of him.  He is amazing!!!!!  He was offered a Children's Pastor position in Verdigris, OK and we moved here on May 22! 
- We are just loving it here....we both never imagined ourselves in Oklahoma, but here we are!  All 5 of us :) 


I know I left out a ton of details.  Maybe there will be back stories as I try to get back into the habit of blogging.

I wanted to thank Jessica for reminding me that this was still alive and kicking and also for the beautiful words of encouragement last week!

It's late...I've gotta get up and take my big kids to school in the morning and go for a nice long run! 

I look forward to getting back in touch here and posting on a regular basis.

God is good!  :)