Random Things

So I've learned something about myself....

When people meet me they see that I am fun and outgoing and a little crazy!  I become the person they want to hang out with because I am *always* peppy and fun!  Not that I was nominated the class clown or anything, but I could always make people laugh.  I don't think I am funny, but it just sort of happens.

Then people start to get close to me and realize that I am just a regular person.  When the "newness" wears off and friends start to realize that I do have a serious side (although it really doesn't come out often) the excitement fades and then I hear from them less and less until it's just a casual hello when I see them in Walmart....or an occasional hello on Facebook.  OR...they call me up when they are blue because they know I can cheer them up. 

I hate being THAT friend. 

So I might have an off day because work stressed me out - deadlines, deadlines, deadlines!  Or the kids got on my last nerve and I needed to vent.  Apparently, I cannot have these days as these days tend to push friends away.

It's just frustrating.  I have often wondered over the years why it seems that if I don't call them, they don't call me.  Someone once said "it's because you have so many friends, I don't want to be a bother."  Wow.  This is so not true.  I wonder if that person said that in the same manner as with a break up - "it's not you, it's me" type of a thing - but when you read between the lines you realize that it IS you.

Maybe I am overbearing and try too hard.  Maybe I am that person that suffocates a friendship.  Maybe I take things too personally. 

I've learned there is a season for everything.  I am starting a new season in my life.  I have always been a people pleaser...and I need to just let this go.  I can't make everyone happy.  As a Christian, I shouldn't let these things bother me, but I am human.  I know the flesh is constantly at war with the Spirit and while I would expect the Spirit to win each and every time, sometimes the flesh takes over - I am not perfect.  I have flaws.  I have a *gasp* serious side! 

I am reminded now of Hebrews 12:2 - Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I am reminded that I need to keep my focus on Jesus...not on the things of this world.  This world will let me down, but God never will.  Isn't that a wonderful thing??  Knowing that while you can't fully depend on other people, you can always depend on God?