Random Things

I just have this confusion about me lately.  One minute it seems I get some clarity and the next brings more confusion.  I think I finally have something figured out...and then BAM!  Piles of more confusion...it's like the laundry pile!!  Yes!  It's ALL done!  Oh wait, nevermind...you missed some over there...

I've learned so many things in the past 8 months of being a pastor's wife....still learning...still making mistakes...still failing...still getting back up!

I don't want this to sound like a rant so I will just make some points down here about some things I have learned recently.

- I am a leader.  I keep telling Brian "I am not a leader, you are!"  And in my head I look at myself like the rest of the congregation and volunteers.  I am here same as you and take my direction from someone else.  What I have learned is that people see me as a leader.  A LEADER.   This is still new to me...still trying to wrap my brain around not only being seen as a leader, but actually being a leader.  This is hard for me.  Very hard!  I was not ready for this "role".  Why is that while my husband was interning with a Children's pastor I was not also doing an internship with a Pastor's wife??!  I really need some help here.  Some direction or encouraging words...something!  You know how they say there is no parenting manual (but there sure are a lot of books out there!!!)...I feel like someone forgot to give me the manual on the role and expectations of Pastor's Wife.  I guess I missed some of the prep-work - ha!

- People treat me different.  Just because of my "Pastor's Wife" title.  It's interesting.  A woman recently told me that just because I am a Pastor's wife people both outside and inside the church will automatically treat me different.  They look at me different.  I don't know what that necessarily means, but one woman also told me that other women do not want to be my friend because of my title.  Ouch.  What is in a title???  Have I somehow changed just because I have a new "title"?  It reminds me of the time in college when we attempted to dye my hair blonde (yeah, it came out orangeish) and shaved my head with the longest setting on the clippers.  Because I did that with my hair, people assumed it was because I was gay.  It had nothing to do with my sexuality and shame on people for stereotyping!!!  Hair is hair.  Long, short, straight, curly, brown, black, red, purple...I really like having short hair (but am currently in the process of growing out again)....anyway, back to my point.  I am somehow a different person because I am a pastor's wife???  And you know....I am just not like that.  I have run ins with various levels of management including VP's within my company and within companies of the customer's I deal with on a daily basis along with folks who probably feel like they are at the bottom of the barrel and I treat them no differently than I treat folks on the procurement teams I work with or the folks at the order management desk or the folks in Romania or France or Switzerland or India.  I don't care WHAT your title is or where you are from....you are a HUMAN BEING and I am going to treat you like one.  I smile at everyone at the grocery store (and probably freak them out sometimes because maybe no one else has smiled at them that day - everyone deserves a smile!) and I talk to just about every single person I come in contact with.  YOUR TITLE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.  Being a pastor's wife does not define me.  I am a human being.

- I am struggling.  I have only shared this with a couple of ladies.  But now it's out there for the world to see.  I am struggling to fit into some mold that has been created for me.  I don't know the shape of the mold, the color of the mold, the size of the mold or even WHERE this mold is....there have been no expectations laid out for me so I never know if I am even close to said mold.  I feel like I am so far away from the mold (which is really ok because perhaps that's why I am here) that I am creating my own mold!!!  Maybe there are multiple molds!  Unfortunately, I can't read minds.  I probably will not be able to do all that is "expected" of me, but I would sure like to know what other people's expectations are so I can know if I have failed them miserably or if their expectations are just completely out of line.  I am just struggling to understand where the disconnect is.  And I have asked the Lord to reveal things to me.  I've gotten no clear answers.  Wait. Be still.  Wait. But I still get visions of preaching to women. (so I am thankful for that!  God still has a plan!!!) Standing at the pulpit encouraging women!  Helping broken, hurting women receive healing.  Telling them they are beautiful and meaning it.  Loving on them.  Sharing my heart with them.  I am still running into some sort of a road block.  WHAT IS THE ROAD BLOCK???  I WANT TO MOVE FORWARD!  We have had this Evangelist in town doing a Revival in our church and he keeps talking about a green light.  I feel like it is for me, but I don't know what to do with this green light!  I know what God wants me to do EVENTUALLY, but this little process-driven girl needs to know what the next step is.   I have no idea how to get from where I am right now to where He needs me to be.  Not a clue.  And I am not getting answers.  "Take a leap of faith" I keep hearing, but I don't know what the leap is??!!!  That is not clear.  Perhaps it is not clear because I am afraid of what that leap is.  See?  I am still human.  I still struggle with fear.  I am a pastor's wife and I have fear.  There.  I said it.  I have FEAR.  DOUBT.  FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY. PAST FAILURES. 

Ok...so if you are still with me, this sounds a bit like a rant.  A venting session if you will.  Oh, and did I mention that I am back on coffee???  I learned how to drink it in moderation without making my blood sugar go all out of whack.  I also keep losing and gaining this same 15-20 pounds.  I am sick of carrying it around.  I am currently on the "gaining" side and am about to surpass the point of where I can fit into my clothes.  There is a reason I threw out all of my bigger size clothes!!!  So...gotta hit it hard again.  Gotta get back to being healthy and fit.  I can blame it on the cold weather all I want, but I made bad choices.  That whole "holding yourself accountable" thing can really smack you in the face sometimes :)

Boy, it sounds like I need to get on my knees and pray, huh?  Won't you join me?  Let me know what prayer needs you have!  Praying for others is so amazing!  Watching miracles happen for others is the best!  God sure does love us!  God will clear my confusion.  I am certain of this.  He will give me the answers I seek!  He will open doors and remove road blocks!  I believe it!!!  I receive it!!!

So...I've been chewing on this one for a little over a week.

Several women from the church were gathered last Monday night for a Women's meeting.  We were talking about the recent tragedies (local, national, global) going on that day and as I was talking with one woman, I said, "Jesus, come soon!"

And at that moment it was like the Holy Spirit slapped me in the face and called me selfish!

I was like "Wha???!!! Selfish??"

There was no mistake that the answer was yes.

I was a little shocked by this because I really don't think of myself as a selfish person (but then again, does anyone??)

So, the Holy Spirit revealed to me why what I said was selfish. 

Ouch.

This particular case of selfish attitude boiled down to this...how many people do I know and love do not have a relationship with Jesus?  How many people in this community do not have a relationship with Jesus?  How many people in this world have never even heard the name Jesus?

Slap in the face.  Selfish Sarah *really* thinking "God, get us out of this mess!  And take the easy way!  Send your Son!!!"

Yeah, it was definitely not a proud moment, but I am thankful for what the Holy Spirit did in revealing my selfishness to me.  You see, the Bible tells us (as I have mentioned before) that we are to go and make disciples!  That we are to share the gospel to all people around the world!!

People won't understand that Jesus wants a relationship with them if we don't tell them.  They won't hear the name Jesus unless we say it. 

I think a lot of times we hear that we need to reach those in desolate places and we often times forget about those people in our own neighborhoods.  It's almost as if we all assume that if we live in the US, we all know there's God and that He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins.  Almost as if it's taken for granted.

One of the things I loved about our previous church was that there were little signs above each door exiting the sanctuary that said "You are now entering the missions field".  I LOVE THIS. 

We don't all have to be called missionaries to BE missionaries.  I mean, aren't we, as Christians, ALL missionaries?? 

The definition of missionaries as defined:

mis·sion·ar·y

God just has a way of confirming things!! 

So the past few days I have been wondering how I can share the Gospel with my neighbors and random people in my community.  And in my previous post I mentioned that reaching out might cause more in depth conversations to happen which I feel that I am not equipped to handle.  And then I went on to say that we need to trust the Holy Spirit to give us the words.

Well.

This morning I was reading in 1 Corinthians and I just could not get enough of it!  I believe this was my confirmation...

In 1 Corinthians 1:17 Paul says, "For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power."

BAM!!

Right there.  See? 

And then he goes on in verses 26-31, "For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Man...I can't get enough of this.  LOVE this!  God can use ANY of us??  Seriously?  And He is going to use those of us who you would never imagine He could use?  AND He is going to use us in such a powerful way!! 

Paul also tells the church in Corinth that as they are doing mighty things for God and as they are being blessed to give God the glory and not themselves.  I believe this is key.  We cannot do these things on our own, but we have to trust in the power of the Holy Spirit and believe in the work of the cross!

Paul goes further to show that even he himself was not wise and relied on the power of the Spirit to proclaim the gospel.  In Chapter 2 he writes: "And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."

So this is my confirmation today that I just need to trust God for the supernatural and do what I can in the natural! 

***This is confirmation for you today, too!!***

Let The World Come to You

This was a tagline used on a business tool that I use on a frequent basis.  I hadn't really noticed it until today.

It is absolutely applicable to the type of product it is...but I couldn't help but think if this is what we, as Christians, are using in our local churches as an unspoken tagline.  

Let The World Come to You

The Bible tells us in Matthew 28:19 "Go therefore and make disciples of  all nations..."

The Bible says GO.

That's an action.  It doesn't say "sit and wait for people to come learn about Me" OR "if you build it they will come!"  Churches have existed for a long time, yet we still have empty chairs...

The Bible gives us a directive.  GO.

DO.

I know I don't do a very good job of sharing my faith with others because I work out of my home office and the people I interact with are all from my church!!  I have no friends outside of my church and this needs to change!  I can talk to anyone so that isn't a problem, but why do I have such a hard time saying "hey, God loves you!"  or "Can I PRAY for you?" 

I think because it opens up a door to a more in depth conversation that I feel like I am not prepared to have.  I am not a theologian.  I did not go to seminary.  All I have is what God has done for me.

Wait, what?!  ALL I have is what God has done for me??!!  This is HUGE! 

I believe that God still works miracles.  He heals.  He cares.  And I know He restores! 

You don't have to be a pastor or missionary or elder to share the Gospel.  Just share your heart.  Depend on the Holy Spirit to give you the right words for the person/people you are speaking with.

Easier said than done.  I know.

I am going to challenge myself in the coming weeks/months to talk to people in my community that I do not know and pray for an opportunity to share the Gospel!  I do not have to use big fancy words...I just need to share God's heart.   He loves us.  Oh, how He loves us!!

I am going to REACH OUT!  :)

Can I challenge you to do the same?  Pray for people to have open hearts, pray for opportunities, pray for divine appointments and then invite people to your church.  Don't assume that just because people are seeking that they will come.  Sometimes a simple invitation or just praying with someone can open a door that might change their entire life.  Share what God has done for you!  You never know who's life you may impact! 

One thing that has changed in my life during the past few years is that I have taken up running.  Am I an avid runner?  Uh...I really don't know what that means, but I do love to get out there and hit the road!  I didn't realize how much of a stress reliever it could be!  WOW!  Love it!

I start the mornings I run by drinking some water, eating a banana and heading out for usually 3-5 miles.  I had been then coming home to drink about 32 oz of water and then a gazillion cups of coffee!  Followed by a bunch more water.  But I tell ya....whenever I drink coffee (and I use the word coffee loosely because of how much creamer I put in!!!) I end up having major blood sugar drops and then pigging out!

So...I quit coffee....again.

And then the headache ensued.

For 4 days.

I almost gave in, but then I was reading in Hezekiah and Romans and all of a sudden my headache lifted.  Thank you, Jesus!! 

I feel so much better without the coffee, but I sure do miss it.  And am drinking oodles of water which is good!  Trying to get back on track with the weight loss.  I was at my lowest weight ever at the end of last year, but since then I have gained back about 20 pounds!  YUCK!  Dropping the coffee and really focusing on my eating/exercise I lost 5.2 pounds last week.  Not healthy, but it's headed in the right direction.  I am hoping to be at least 1 pound LESS than my lowest weight by December 31!

I can do this with help from the Lord!!  :)

And I am still headache free!  No more coffee.  No more caffeine.  It's really healthier that way! :)

So...I've been a pastor's wife for just over 3 months.  And I am just not sure if I am doing it right!!  Ha!

I don't know if people have certain expectations of me...and if they do, I am sorry to say that I will probably disappoint them! I am a HUMAN BEING and will make many many mistakes.  Praise God that I don't have to live up to human expectations!

But...as a human this can be a hard thing to wrap my brain/heart around.

I love people.  I love when people love me.  I don't want to pretend to be someone I am not, but I do not want to NOT meet expectations. 

Sigh.

I feel like I have a very unique view of the lost and broken in our community because I did not grow up in this type of environment.  Sure, we went to church, but I never felt the love of God in any church I attended growing up.  I was taught to fear God, but it was really more of being afraid rather than reverance. 

I don't know these old hymns they sing on Wednesday night, but I am learning them!  I am clapping along and as I read the words and stumble on the melody, I am amazed at the beauty and simplicity of some of the lyrics.

I feel like I am constantly being judged by everyone because I am a pastor's wife.  From what I say, what I do, how I dress, the level of ministry involvement, parenting skills, etc.

This.is.overwhelming.  Perhaps it's just paranoia???

Again...Praise God that I don't have to worry about their judgements!  I only have to worry about God's judgement....sadly, this is tough to live up to as well!  Because I do need to make sure that what I say and what I do is glorifying God and I need to make sure I am dressing modestly (and appropriately for my age) and I do need to be involved in the ministry, but I am not going to go overboard and jump on every ministry as a leader if God is not seeking me to be a leader in these areas.  I also need to make sure I am disciplining AND discipling my children.

Whoa. 

More importantly....I WANT to do all these things!  I WANT to follow God's Word, I want to bear fruit!  I want to have a real relationship...an unshakable relationship, if you will, with God...and all of this makes me want to glorify God with every part of my life.  On the day of judgement, I want God to say that He knew me well...His good and faithful servant.

I want others to see that God loves them.  That God has a place for them!  That God has a plan for their lives and it is NOT TOO LATE!! 

I am quite sure that no one at my church has certain expectations of me or is judging me.  These are simply doubts filling my mind that come straight from the devil!

I love it here.  Everyone has been so wonderful, but I am having a hard time making friends.  And that....is difficult for me.  I've spent the last 3 years trying not to get too close to anyone in Missouri because I knew we'd be leaving, but I am ready to have some God girlfriends!!! 

But....I am the new girl.  Relationships here have been in place for years.  It's tough to disrupt that.  Not that I want to disrupt anything...I just need some girl time.  If you are a girl and are reading this...you probably know what I am talking about :)  Women definitely crave relationships.  For now, I am trying to get closer to God.  I know He will lead me to the right group of gals. 

Oh my...it's been over 3 years since I posted on my blog!!

I guess I thought that since I am no longer an "afwife" I should no longer use this....but perhaps I will just  change the URL of my blog and keep the content.  :)  There's a lot of history here!

The past 3+ years in a nutshell:

- While in Springfield, we had the unbelievable opportunity to get plugged in at James River Assembly.  LOVE this church and all the people there.  We were so blessed to be a part of everything going on there.  Wow.  Just wow.
- In October 2010 (just a few days after we got back from our mission trip to India) I found out I was pregnant with baby #3.  If you know me personally, this is no surprise...just recapping for those who haven't had a chance to catch up with me in a while ;)
- Claire Suzanne Filipek was born on May 24, 2011.  She weighed a whopping 10lbs and was 24 inches long.  Yes, I gave birth to a toddler!  Ha!  Claire was in the NICU for 4-5 days due to an extremely high respiratory rate and very low blood sugar.  The staff at Cox South was amazing and we were able to bring her home on Brian's birthday :)
- While I was pregnant, I became heavily involved at JRA by joining the choir at West campus and helping with the elementary kids.  Loved every minute of it!!!!  Brian soon joined me with the elementary kids and pretty soon he was hooked!
- As soon as I was able to put Claire in the nursery at church I was back at volunteering with the elementary kids and auditioned to be a worship leader...I was selected to lead worship and through a series of trials, started leading in the kid's area and didn't look back!
- Brian went to kids camp as a counselor - this was Katie's first time at camp and I will never forget how wonderful Mandi was with her (thank you Mandi!!!!) - and he came back with a major sunburn and a mohawk.  Ha!  He also came back knowing he was called to children's ministry!
- I began running when Claire was about 6  weeks old and lost about a total of 70 lbs!!!!!  WOO HOO!
- Kasey FINALLY began school and just loved riding the bus to Kindergarten and 1st grade.  He started 2nd grade last week.  My oh my....these kids are getting too big too fast!!  We just loved the faculty and staff at Willard Central and will never forget our friends there!
- Katie started 4th grade last week.  YES, 4th GRADE!!!!   Sigh...
- Brian successfully completed his Masters degree in May of this year and I couldn't be more proud of him.  He is amazing!!!!!  He was offered a Children's Pastor position in Verdigris, OK and we moved here on May 22! 
- We are just loving it here....we both never imagined ourselves in Oklahoma, but here we are!  All 5 of us :) 


I know I left out a ton of details.  Maybe there will be back stories as I try to get back into the habit of blogging.

I wanted to thank Jessica for reminding me that this was still alive and kicking and also for the beautiful words of encouragement last week!

It's late...I've gotta get up and take my big kids to school in the morning and go for a nice long run! 

I look forward to getting back in touch here and posting on a regular basis.

God is good!  :) 

I have been hearing the word confidence a lot lately. A lot of people that I spend time with and that I work with tell me that I appear to be so full of confidence. If you know me well, you know that I am my own worst critic and that I say I am "ok" at best and definitely not full of confidence. I am always striving to be better at whatever it is I am doing.

About a month ago I stood up and spoke in front of several ladies at church to just give a quick testimony of my experience at our recent Women's conference. Honestly, there were only 6 or 7 ladies there and I was so nervous! I got up there and the first thing I said was that I hate the spotlight, hate speaking in front of people....if I turn red just ignore it...etc... They laughed and all told me I seemed like a natural up there. Ha!

Part of the testimony I gave from that conference was that as I was in the sanctuary worshiping, I just felt this WHOOOOSH come over me and I felt as if I had total confidence in my musical abilities. It was overwhelming! It was like I just let go of all the negative comments in my head and my constant self put downs - it was amazing! I finally felt like I could take the step towards the life that God has called me to - bringing people to the Lord through music. I know I will have to take baby steps to get there, but I am so excited and so blessed and can't wait to serve in this manner! I also had a vision during the conference, but I won't share that here just yet. :-)

Also, during the conference I was given the opportunity to play my sax again. Oh, how I have missed playing!! The amazing thing was that I only had about 9 days from when I received the sax (had to get a rental - I played soprano sax and I only have an alto here) until I was to play at the conference. Yikes! I hadn't played the soprano sax since high school in the mid-90's. But I tell you what...I opened that case, got my reed wet and started to play as if I had never stopped. It was amazing. God has blessed me so much!!

Today, I just thank God for everything He has given me. There is much to be thankful for...and when I think about God sending His son Jesus to die on the cross for MY sins...I can't help but to become emotional. It is written in Isaiah 53:5:
"But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed. "

By His stripes we are healed!! Have a blessed day!

Oops...I have not updated this in a LONG time. There has been much going on in life, but I haven't kept up on here. Stay tuned....updates will be coming again. It seems like I go through waves on my blog.

Have a blessed week!

There are literally no words to describe the feelings and emotions that came about this afternoon. Brian and I are in absolute awe of the greatness of God....

We've been attending this church for a few months now and God has really been putting a lot of things on our hearts and it has been amazing! Wonderful! Awesome!

Brian quickly learned that our pastor was a hunter so he had started talking to him about hunting and found out he bow-hunted and well...they became instant buddies. Brian's been wanting a new bow for a while now and we were at the point of choosing which one to buy. The pastor invited him a week ago or so to come up with him to this store in Jay to check out some bows with another gentleman from the church.

So on Sunday - BIG NEWS - Brian got saved! HOORAY!!! What an awesome day....wow! I am really cutting some good stuff, but it's late and I do need to get to bed so you'll have to suffer through the short version :)

We've really been spending a lot of time in prayer and have been meeting some really great people and have become involved in the church and serving the LORD! It's been so great! I just feel like I can't get enough and want to do whatever I can to serve. It's really been laid on my heart to get back into music...and so I joined the choir, but I feel like this is just the beginning...oh wait, this isn't about me today, this is about Brian...back to the good stuff :)

So we realized we could spend about *this much* on the bow. I fully expected him to come home with a new bow and was excited for him to get home and show me what he got!

He came home with a new bow.

A reallllly nice bow.

And so he says to me something along the lines of the following....I tried a few out and picked one. It's about the same price as the one I had picked out at this other store but it is soooo much nicer. I had them set it aside for me and went outside to try to call you (I had left my cell phone at home when I went to pick Katie up from school) to talk to you about buying the bow, if it was ok to buy it, etc....and when I went back inside to go pay for it I asked the lady at the register how much I owed her and she said "nothing! it's already been paid for".

Can you believe that?!!!

I was like "wait, what?!" paid for? who paid for it? huh? what? **ok, so just imagine mass confusion"

He said "God laid it on this man's heart to purchase this bow for me."

Wow.

I mean I don't even know how to describe the feelings/emotions that came over both of us. Absolutely amazing. God is good!

I had to head over to choir rehearsal quickly after Brian had gotten home and I just really enjoy being a part of it all! It's so great to get back in there and sing sing sing!! I have been an alto for about as long as I can remember. I remember that Mr. Gemar tried to put me in with the sopranos my first year in high school but umm...I just felt better as an alto. The music pastor wanted to place me so I had to sing for him tonight...I just had this feeling that he was going to put me as a soprano. I knew it. And sure enough - hahaha - he told me that he wants me to be a soprano. I can't wait though! I am so excited!!!

We finally made it in to the doc today for Kasey's 3 year old checkup. It didn't go as I had hoped, but not too bad...he didn't have to get any shots! :-)

But...he's got allergies, a double ear infection and probably needs his tonsils out.

Poor little guy! And he's only gained 2 pounds in the last year. But if you remember last year the doctor told us he was a bit hefty...hahaha. He's still in the 50th percentile for weight and has jumped up to the 75th - 80th for height. The doc wasn't concerned and neither am I. He is a good little eater and runs around all day.

So now he has to be put on a daily allergy medicine and this antibiotic and we go back in a month to check out those ears and tonsils.

I will pray that the Lord heals him and that he won't need to go in for surgery...I remember going through that surgery myself when I was little. Not so fun. Not at all.

Well it's Friday night and it's late and I need to head to bed! Rain in the forecast tomorrow so we probably won't be able to get our border all setup with the new flowers and rocks! That's ok...maybe a project for next weekend.

***This was posted yesterday on my pastor's wife's facebook page. She wrote this and I just wanted to pass it along.***

Hmmmm...a spotless bride. What does that mean? Has anyone watched any good BRIDE shows lately? On occasion, Sarah and I will catch one together and dream of her special day. Unfortunately, as we watch these shows I have to edit out the profanity...and the fact that the bride is anything but innocent...and the wedding dress leaves nothing to the imagination... and in some cases the couple has already been living together. We try to look past all of the stains and wounds that this unGodly world has left on God's beautiful picture of what a bride was planned to be...before we turn the channel.

Our daughters deserve the entire dream: the icing and the cake. They should get the sparkling, white dress: white because of their innocence not because of their color preference. They should have the Godly, young groom ready to take care of his bride for the rest of her life smiling at the end of the aisle waiting for her to become his. They should experience the delight of the honeymoon experience sharing the beauty of first-time intimacy with a husband that has been equally committed to being pure before marriage. What is wrong with this picture? This is how God intended marriage to be. It seems almost foreign today...and is often mocked by this world.

I praise God that He forgives us when fail Him. I am thankful for His grace. I am overwhelmed that He can wash away our shame and mistakes and sin. I am also thankful that because I am saved...because He gave Himself in one horrible death...that I am changed. I can put on my spotless, white gown and be ready for my groom when He returns to take His spotless bride home. As a mom, having experienced this great salvation, I am even more committed to pass on this beautiful love story to my daughters and my son. I must fight the world's definition of beauty and happiness. I must help steer my children toward God's purpose for their lives: to live holy like our amazing Savior. His Word is clear. He is coming back for a spotless bride...one without stain...spot or blemish. I want Him to be able to look into the mass of His sons and daughters...those that have accepted Him...and see them living pure, spotless lives for Him...excited and ready for their BIG day! Instead, I fear that He will have to really look hard to find his church mixed-in with all of the darkness of this world. Our call is to live different..not to live as close as possible to the world....but as close to Jesus as possible. Our call is to say NO to the movies that defame His name and His way of life. Our call is to dress ourselves in modesty and purity. Our call is to carry His glory. Imagine that.... carrying the glory of God through our lives and dress and conversations and hobbies.

In the Old Testament, often the temple of God became a place of sin. In the New Testament, it was one of Christ's ambitions to clean up the temple. In many foreign countries, there are traces of a former religion that can be seen in the beautiful, old buildings that were once Houses of God. Even in God's House today, where we are called to be a Temple of the Holy Spirit, there are only traces of whom God has called His people to be marred with the marks and fashions of this world.

Thinking about that white, sparkling wedding dress...my heart is so grieved. How can I represent Christ to my daughters in this atmosphere? How can I show them that God's call to holiness is not about atiquated rules and law! His call to holiness is about beauty, freedom, innocence, love, purpose and purity. God will look past an unholy church. That fact may seem scary and move some to action. For me, it is a matter of pleasing my Father. I understand His sacrifice and my responsibility to lead my children in lives of holiness. On their wedding day, I want each to experience God's promise of the beauty of the marriage covenant. I commit myself to setting an example for them. We have a great influence over our daughters and sons. My prayer is that we all can say, "follow me as I follow Christ." We can do it! Our children deserve all that God has planned for them! We belong to Him...His spotless bride.

We made it to Vicksburg, MS! Hip hip hooray!! We got a bit of a late start which I am sure comes to no surprise....we pulled up to our motel just after 11:00pm so it was only about an hour later than I had planned - not too bad!

The kids watched a few movies and I listened to the radio until I could find no more Christian stations and then I popped in my Matthew West CD. Awesome! This song stuck out to me tonight so I thought I'd put the lyrics here for you.

The Moment Of Truth

You got your hand on the door
And you're ready just to walk out
Well, the fight that you had filled your mind up with all this doubt
And you're losing your mind and losing your faith
And you can't remember why you fell in love in the first place

Go back, go back to the moment of truth
When she walked down the aisle
And you first said, "I do"
When this life makes you wonder what have you got to lose
Go back, go back to the moment of truth

You got your hand on a habit
And you can't seem to let it go
It used to be your escape now it's out of control
And now it's you in the mirror
But you don't recognize your face
And you're looking for a reason not to throw it all away

Just go back, go back
To the moment of truth
With three words, "it's a girl"
And she looks just like you
When this life makes you wonder what have you got to lose

Go back, just go back to the moment of truth
You got your hand on the Bible
But your heart feels like stone
Cause you think that you've made too many mistakes to come home
And you're losing your will
And you're losing your faith
And now you wonder if you even believed in the first place

Just go back to the moment of truth
When you first talked to Jesus
And He reached out for you
He's still reaching, He's still reaching out for you
So when this life makes you wonder what have you got to lose
Just go back, just go back
To the moment of truth

The last section really spoke to me tonight...I know I felt this way just recently. For me it wasn't the Bible that my hand was on, but even the simplicity of listening to Christian music was painful because I felt like I had just walked so far away that there was NO way Jesus would take me back and I was ashamed - I felt guilty listening to songs that praise His name. But you know what? He welcomed me back with open arms!! And I am praying and listening more now than ever before. I know He has great plans for me and I am excited about those plans!

We will be heading out in the morning for Texas! Yippee! The kids are so excited to see daddy :)

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails....

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Starting the "to do" checklist to get ready for the road trip! YIPPEE!

The laundry is almost done...the kids rooms are picked up but I still need to vacuum and shampoo a few spots..they like to sneak food in there and then grind it into the carpet. Yuck!

So I have to pack "Florida" clothes for the few days we will be in Texas and "Colorado" clothes for the impending snow that will be falling on us in the mountains. HOORAY!! I hope we can make snowmen! BUT I know how Colorado weather can be so we will make sure to bring enough stuff for warm weather too.

The kitchen still has a few crumbs on the floor and the kids dumped out craft stuff in the dining room tonight so I need to pick that up. The bathrooms are scrubbed and the front room needs a quick pick up and the vacuum. That leaves the laundry room, our bedroom and the office....ugh, the office. The room where all the random stuff ends up. I will EVENTUALLY organize this room. Seriously. That part of my brain has rarely ever been used and just needs a little dusting.

I don't know about you, but I dislike coming home to a messy house after being gone for a couple of weeks so I'd like to get a bit more picked up tonight and run the vacuum in the morning if possible.

I'd also like to have the majority of the van packed before I take Katie to school on Thursday. Our plan is to pick Katie up between 2:30 - 4:00 and then drive to Vicksburg, MS. That is about 6 hours and I checked the DVD players to make sure they work so I will just keep the VeggieTales rolling and we should be all set!

We also need to bake a few cookies so we can take some to daddy :) Nothing says I love you like sugar cookies (shaped like lips and hearts of course) drenched in sugar frosting with sprinkles! Yum yum!